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Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Cat Conspiracy

by Lisa Barker
.

I have nine cats and I truly believe they are conspiring to drive me insane. A dog wouldn’t do this. Dogs are straight-forward. You know where you stand with a dog.
But with cats you quickly discover that they are three steps ahead of you. Worse, they have this stupid little "gotcha" smirk.
Dogs just smile. Their look says, “I love you!” Cats grin and when you fall for one of their little tricks, you can just hear them think, “My, but aren’t you a bright one?”
I’ll give you an example. My cats stare at spots on the wall. No kidding. Six of them will gather together and stare at the same place on the wall. After five minutes of this, I’ll go and stare at the same spot wondering what it is they see. Then, I glance at them and they are all smirking at me.
This trick works great because it can be repeated so many times with little variation. They’ll gather in a circle and stare at a spot on the floor. I see their tails twitch and think, “Oh, great. There’s a bug, or worse.” So I go look and see those little smirks again.
Another fun game of theirs is to suddenly jerk — all of them at once — and look quickly at something you can’t see or hear. You go investigate. You see and hear nothing. You come back to find the cats huddled together looking rather self-satisfied and amused.
Cats loll around the house all day. But precisely five minutes after you close your bedroom door at night, you hear them tearing around the house chasing one another. Just open the door and suddenly it’s a "lickfest." Here are all these cats nonchalantly grooming as if they haven’t a care in the world. “What on earth could you possibly mean? We haven’t been tearing around the house. Oh, no!”
And cats understand English. Recently, my husband and I were having a rather loud and passionate "conversation" about the cats because they’d taken to lounging on the counters and kitchen table. I threatened to make them all outdoor cats or give them away. Lo and behold, suddenly the cats avoided the counters and table like the plague.
Cats are also picky. You go through seven different bags of cat food before you find a brand they like. Then, you stock up on it and the cats could care less. You offer them food off your plate and they turn their noses up at it. Leave the table for a minute to go get the ketchup bottle and come back to find your entrée has vanished… and the cats are smirking again.
You know, people say we have yet to make contact with beings from other planets. But I think we already have. Yes, the aliens are among us now in the form of cats. They had nothing better to do than incorporate themselves into our world as pets so they could both study us and drive us insane. If you think about, it makes total sense. What other animal can you own as pet that demonstrates such an intelligence that is far superior to your own?
Call it a conspiracy, if you will, but I think cats know a lot more than they let on.
  • (Jelly Mom is written by Lisa Barker, a busy mom of five, and syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent to Parent. To read more, visit http://www.jellymom.com/.)

1 comment:

Q said...

Ok, So this really ain't an artical that would be interesting to catholics but I thought it was cute and added it anyway. Enjoy! : Q